The True Meaning of Christmas

"Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves." ~Eric Sevareid

I am going to preface this post by saying that there is such an honesty to this entry that I am going to feel incredibly vulnerable. My thoughts will expose things about me that most have never known, and my new discoveries and feelings will have many that will completely disagree with me... And I am okay with all of that. :)

I'm not sure where to begin...

December 25th is a day that has come and gone in my life for 25 years. For years, Christmas to me was snow, Santa, baking cookies, giving presents, eating lots of yummy food and seeing family. I loved listening to Christmas music, but the lyrics to songs were just words to me. I was not raised religious. My family didn't attend church, though I have always been a believer, I was naive to the idea of God, Jesus, Christianity as a whole.

Fast forward to December 2010, I would still not say I am religious. However, I am beginning to have a very new and refreshing perspective on life and how I want to live it. In December of 2008, I attended Buckhead Church for my first time. My dear friend Chinua was kind enough to persuade me to tag along with him (I would have never braved it alone in that day). Two years later, I have not missed a Sunday so long as I've been in town. Sundays have grown to be one of my favorite days of the week! I could rant and rave about this some more, but I think it might be best saved for another entry.

Andy Stanley typically speaks to us in a series where several Sundays we dedicate to a particular topic. They are spoken in a way that don't make you feel as if you are being preached AT, and they are always delivered in a way where you can find the application to your life. Once and a while, we'll dive a little further into Biblical stories (which I love too since I'm learning something new). During this Christmas season, Andy shed a lot of light to the story of Christmas, it's meaning, and why so many believe. Again, he never tells you to believe, even admits to how 'unbelievable' some Biblical things can seem. However, something in me this year clicked. It wasn't a change in my thought process or my beliefs. It was a feeling that just rushed over me. The holiday had such a stronger meaning to me now. I found myself truly hearing the words in songs and having a lump in my throat.

I am the type of person that allows everyone to believe what they will. I will never preach or tell someone how they should think or feel, and I appreciate when others do the same for me. I had been in a working environment where I was surrounded by people that were non-believers, but also spoke loudly against those who chose to have faith. It was ironic to me that they came into my life at the same time that I was discovering this new faith in my heart. But with that said, I have so many friends with differing opinions on the subject and I encourage you to continue to believe what you will, and let others do the same...

I, however, have begun to implement some changes in my life. I have removed myself from that working environment. I have a much stronger connection to my own personal faith, which I still deem to be a personal relationship, one that I'm still exploring. But through these things, and others, I have a new refreshing feeling and outlook on life. I want to be a better person every day. I've always loved to give to others, but this season I wanted to dive deeper than that. I, for the first time, focused on cherishing the people I have in my life (all their faults and quirks included)! And I sat back to truly count my hidden blessings. I am in a period of uncertainty, with many aspects of my life needing to be fulfilled, but my faith has never felt stronger. Realizing that puts a calm in my heart and a smile on my face.

There is so much more to Christmas than snow, Santa, cookies and presents...

Strengthening My Faith

I do most things through music. At this point in my life... this song sums up everything, and is all I need! ♥

I say a prayer every night, whatever I do, I'll get it right
With no regret, no guilt or shame this time, no not this time
Once I surrender, I won't dare look back, cause if I do, I'll get off track
Move ahead in faith, and patiently await your answer, what will it be

[Chorus:]
Sight beyond what I see
You know what's best for me
Prepare my mind, prepare my heart
For whatever comes, I'm gone' be ready

Strength to pass any test
I feel like I'm so blessed
With you in control, I can't go wrong
'Cause I always know, I'm gonna be ready

I was free to do, what I wanted to, lost everything, but I still had you
You showed me your grace, now my life's renewed and I thank you, yes.. I thank you
So I'll tell anyone who'll listen, I'll testify
About how good you were to me, when so call friends passed me by
The fact that you would show somebody so broke down, so-much-merccccyyy...

[Chorus:]
Sight beyond what I see BEYOND WHAT I SEE
You know what's best I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME
Prepare my mind...PREPARE MY MIND AND PREPARE MY HEART
For whatever comes...FOR WHATEVER COMES I GONNA BE READY

Strength to pass any test GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO PASS ANY TEST
I feel like I'm so blessed I KNOW THAT I'M SO BLESSED
With you in control...YOUR IN CONTROL LORD, CAN'T GO WRONG NO
'Cause I always know...CAUSE I KNOW THAT I'M GONNA BE READY

So use me as you will, I'll pay the price
'Cause made the ultimate sacrifice
It's all because of you, that I even have life
And I'll give my love, as a tribute, to how great you are...

[Chorus:]
Sight beyond what I see BEYOND WHAT I SEE
You know what's best I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME OHH OOHH
Prepare my mind...PREPARE MY HEART AND PREPARE MY MIND
For whatever ...FOR WHATEVER COMES I GONNA BE READY YEAH YEAH YEAH

Strength to pass any test I WANNA PASS THIS TEST
I feel like...I KNOW THAT I AM, KNOW THAT I AM, KNOW THAT I'M SO BLESSED
With you in...YOUR IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE LORD, I CAN'T GO WRONG NO
'Cause I always know...AND I KNOW IT I'M GONNA BE I'M GONNA BE READY

I'm gonna be ready THIS TIME I'M GONNA BE
I'm gonna be ready CAUSE YOU LIVE DEEP INSIDE OF ME
I'm gonna be ready AND I KNOW IT'S IN YOUR WILL FOR ME TO BE READY
YEAH YEAH YEAH UUUHHHHH
I'M GONNA BE READY

The Ugly Truth

"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him."

What a wonderful weekend it's been. I enjoyed the nights out with the ladies, but equally enjoyed my Sunday night IN! I went on my weekly trip to Target (I always seem to forget something on my list!) While there I bought "The Ugly Truth" a movie I had been itching to add to my secret chick flick collection! ;) I got to thinking after the comedic film... the truth about the "dating" world really is ugly!

I'm not a dater... I have chosen to stay out of the world as much I can. To me, it's awkward and lots of times... a waste of time! I have many friends that are the "Go, it's a free dinner!" kinda girl. I, on the other hand, won't typically accept a drink from a guy at a bar because then I feel obligated to give him a good chunk of my time. And if I'm not interested in doing that, I don't think he should have to spend any money on me! I get crap for this a lot, but really... if I know I'm not into you... let me help you save our time and your money!

You see, I have been in a relationship for most of my "dating years." I have entered the single world after some painful relationship experiences and had no desire to let anyone in for a bit. My brutally honest friends tell me that I am "too damn picky and need to put myself out there more!" And they're probably right, maybe I need to give more dudes a chance before writing them off so quickly. I just truly haven't come across any guys in this city that seemed genuine enough for my time. There has been maybe ONE I might have been interested in... but most of the guys in this city are really not worth that extra minute. Or is this the Ugly Truth about the dating world?!

I'll give you a great example from this weekend:

While dancing with the gals, a guy had a security guard come get me to bring me to their VIP section. I told him not unless my girls come too - we're a package. The minute we walk up he pulls me aside and the first line out of his mouth was, "Do you want to go to a huge mansion and fu*k?" REALLY?! I laughed in his face and told him he had to be joking and I most certainly did NOT want to do that and we left that section soon after to be back to just us girls!

Now I'm going to try and remain positive and not lump all Atlanta men into this idiocy bubble, but more often than not, I have stories like the one above than good stories to report. I'm not saying I was in a productive environment to meet a decent man that night. In fact, I vow that you can't meet someone at a club or bar (but I try not to say never). However, accumulating all the stories from my girlfriends that I hear... there are some nightmares out there!

Which makes me want to continue to stay far away from the painful dating world. Don't get me wrong. I can't wait for the day to meet a cool guy that I can cook for, have a beer with, laugh with, and give lots of love and surprises to. But I'm not so eager that I have to fill my now with lots of guys on the hunt for that special one. I'm just gonna keep living my day to day... for myself: living on my own, paying my own bills, working hard, and enjoying my time with my friends, family and pup! And I will always turn to this song to give me that extra bit of hope! ;)

Everything Happens for a Reason??

It's interesting for me to write this blog on the topic "Everything Happens for a Reason." You see... I already wrote this blog about a month ago. It was long, it was incredibly honest, it was deleted! ha ha Not by me... it was a cyber glitch. After I wrote it all out, I was unable to save or upload it. Instead of trying to rewrite it that night, I set it aside for a while. Now that I am finally revisiting the topic, I am looking at it through a much more optimistic lens. So, maybe everything DOES happen for a reason?! Let's discuss...

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marylin Monroe

A popular quote, often restated by females, put on their facebook: quotes, statuses... you get my drift. I will admit that I even, at one vulnerable time in my life, have used this quote for some reassurance. Here is where my thinking veered to the more pessimistic side of the spectrum in my first blog. We've all been there before... your boyfriend dumps you. You're upset and turn to your friends for support. They are quick to preach, "He wasn't good enough for you. Everything happens for a reason... someone better is going to come along!" You have a job interview for a position that you want more than anything! You don't get it. In your bummed state, you reaffirm yourself that it wasn't in the cards for you. There is a better job around the corner that's the perfect fit for you!

The past two years have been a couple of the most difficult years to date for me. I've had countless moments where I wondered... "Why is this happening?!" And a close friend or family member would assure me that everything happens for a reason! As things kept happening "for a reason" I remember getting frustrated at never knowing what that reason was. As we all know... amidst a challenging time in our life, we can never make sense of what's going on or why. But take a moment to think back to a challenging situation you conquered, something that life has moved far beyond. You can slowly piece together things that have stemmed from that situation and appreciate its occurrence.

However, I've been contemplating for a while now... are better things really appearing around the corner after difficult situations, or are we just making it up to keep our hope? When we don't get our dream job, do we REALLY believe something better is coming along or do we convince ourself that is so that we can keep pressing on? Do we look back on a crappy time in our life and make sense of the spiderweb that came after it - pointing out all the wonderful things that would have never happened if we didn't trudge through that hardship - because it's true or because we want it to be true?! I'm not saying I necessarily think this way... maybe sometimes! I'm just thinking out loud.

Recently, I've rediscovered my optimistic lens on this topic. I am thankful to have encountered Buckhead Church. I wasn't raised religious (I think I found my next blog topic!) but Buckhead had found a very special place in my heart making me think about life in a whole new perspective and always strive to be a better person than I was yesterday. The current topic talks about our "Game Plan" what's our purpose in life. It couldn't have come at a better time for where I'm at in life. But Andy Stanley said something that I think correlates with this topic perfectly. He said, "God uses a string of opportunities to show you his plan; you can't see in the moment the benefit of your current position." I don't think anything could explain Everything Happens for a Reason any better than that!! There is a plan for us all... and sometimes we have to endure some of the most difficult obstacles. Some years we are on a high, but that doesn't mean you're obstacle free. It's all in His Game Plan for your life.

So I have a new stance on this little overused saying... Yes, things may happen for a reason. But I'm done trying to figure out what that reason is! I'm not going to fight that plan that has been in place for me. Instead, I'm going to do my best to enjoy the journey and learn the lessons I need along the way.

The Gratitude Cycle

"Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet more powerful things humans can do for each other."

One blog each month so far... looks like I'm not doing so great at this blogging thing! Need to find the motivation and the day to get out my weekly rants (I mean thoughts) on life! ;)

It has been quite busy since I made my way back to Atlanta after a nice long visit in Michigan. Between getting ready for conference season, and prepping my first event with JACQ Entertainment that was quickly approaching, my schedule was full. I was planning a Benefit Concert for an organization here in Georgia called Leftover Pets. They helped out with my Cooper when I saved him from the shelter. They work tirelessly to save as many animals as possible from the kill shelters that are prominent here. I wanted to try and give them some extra support to fund one of their transports of animals from Georgia to New York.

I had two goals for the event. The first, to obviously raise money for the organization. However, the second was equally as important. I wanted to bring together several of the popular local acts of different genres; acts that are incredibly talented, but have never shared a stage together. I wanted to bridge the gap between the genres, to encourage these amazing talents to come together more often. The event was more successful than I could have hoped for. Not only to help raise money to save the puppies, but the artists really connected and had a great appreciation for each other's talents. I had such a blast watching the audience appreciate every artist for their individual talents.

I couldn't have been more thankful to have so many great friends that would loan their time to help me make my first event a success, and to help raise money for something that was so close to my heart. That's when I got to think about gratitude. As the quote states... it's one of the most powerful things we can do for one another, also one of the easiest, yet too often we forget to truly show our gratitude.

I've always been a believer in karma... that if you put good out there in the world, it's bound to come back to you eventually. For me lately, it feels like the circle of gratitude and appreciation. For many of the artists that donated their time and talent for my event, I had done something for in the past... even if it was just a little something. And I am eager to do something else to help any of the artists out as soon as the opportunity arises, so I can again thank them in ways, other than words, for their generosity.

Giving goes a long way. Much further than getting. Too many people have that confused in this society. As I've sat back and observed in the past couple of years, I've seen a lot of "me, me, me!" One day, those folks will realize that going that extra mile to "get" what you want to satisfy yourself, will never fully satisfy those feelings. However, you can't match the feeling when you selflessly take a moment to help someone else out - in any way, shape or form.

So I challenge you... make this week about others. As I heard in church today, life is meaningless if you're just focusing on the things you can see or experience. It's the affects and contributions you make to the relationships around you that will live on long after you're gone. So go out of your way to help someone else. Especially if it means sacrificing something of you would normally do for yourself. Then reflect on your feelings afterward. Relish in the rewarding feelings you have after doing a small act of kindness for someone instead of watching your favorite television show. Trust me - it will be worth it!

Fork In The Road

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -

I took the one less traveled by,

And that had made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost

It's painfully familiar to so many... the dreaded fork in the road. And the worst thing is that there's never just one in life! They come up in every chapter of life. And when you face it, there is always that fear of the "what if." Sometimes I think I have a review mirror looking into my past, and it's not something I'm proud of! It's something I need to work on; I'm definitely trying! However, I do have my moments. Moments where I look back to the last fork in the road and think... what if I chose to go right instead of left? I wonder what my life would be like right now? I'm sure we've all been there. Some days you can't help but let your mind drift and wonder, what if?!

It does us no good though; looking into that review mirror. How is one ever supposed to make it to their future and move forward when their eyes are always looking back? I am a firm believe that everyone is on their path for a reason! We can never find that reason in the present, but just allow time to do its thing and it will soon reveal its explanation to you. You can't deny the ah-ha moments you've had in your life when it clicks and you "get" why you had to endure whatever trials and tribulations you faced. And admit it... you're appreciative of them aren't you? I once read somewhere the value of speaking to one of your elders. I mean, really engaging in a conversation with them about their life. Someone in their late 80's has one thing we don't. They are blessed with the ability to go back and see the miracles that have been worked into their life. Most reasons for their life's direction has been revealed to them. Right now we can only sit back, trust the process, and wait to hit our 80's where we sit back in our chair and say, "Ah-ha! I get it now!"

I sit here right now, a little past 3 am waiting for a video I just finished editing to load. Trust me, I would not be up this late if I weren't working! Cooper is already snoring on my bed... I can hear him! :) But I have been wanting to get to this blog for about a week now. I figured this was as good a time as any.

I used to joke about the Quarter Life Crisis. I didn't believe in it. I may have to take that back because either it's a sick coincidence or I'm going through it right now!! Right now I choose to believe that life has just given me another major fork in the road, and it's tearing me apart! I've literally felt like a huge chunk of me has been missing for the past month and I can't figure out why. There's a turning point waiting for me on the horizon and I feel it approaching quickly...

I had a good convo with a couple of my favorite people about how I needed to get to work on my blog; they agreed. I told them I didn't really know HOW to blog. They gave me some pointers... the one that stands out was, "It has to be a two way street. Write to stimulate feedback. Don't just write your thoughts down, that's a diary. No one wants to read your diary!" Ha ha love my friends! I think my diary would be pretty interesting ~ I've got a lot of crap up there in that head of mine. Anyway... I'm still working to find the niche of my blog. So hang tight while I find my voice in this blog. I promise to find its focus soon. :)

Right now my thoughts argue with each other daily. It makes my head hurt. How do you make these life decisions - there's never an easy button like on T.V. Do you go left and follow your heart in love, or do you go right and follow your heart in your passions? You see... I don't think it's as easy as the saying, "follow your heart!" My heart goes many places folks. Everyone gets a little bit. My heart is waiting for that BIG love, but my heart also goes into my work. (I've never been the person that does a 'job.' I have to have a career. I need to live and love my work!)

I've recently had a lot of extra pressure put on me to move back to the mitten. I know I am missed up there, and I've always said I want to take everyone up there down here with me because I miss them too! I'm told that I'm needed up there; that my love it there if I just open my eyes to it. These things are not easy to hear. It tore me apart inside, because who wouldn't go be closest to where their "love" is? Why would I choose to stay in a city so far away from my family?

Let me say... my road to Atlanta was anything BUT easy. 2009, as some know, was the most difficult, heartbreaking year I have endured so far in life! Any other woman in my position would have high tailed it back to Michigan to run from those that, without conscious, would inflict so much hurt and pain. But that's goes to show the connection I have to this city. I can't explain it, it's just a feeling. I belong here right now. Even with all the bad that went down last year while I was here - alone - far away from all my family and closest friends, being here still felt right. Crazy, I know. However, something is keeping me here. I'd like to believe that there is an opportunity waiting for me here. A door somewhere, waiting to open. I could be incredibly wrong, who knows?! But I don't want to leave before I giving it sufficient time to surface.

To cut this now, because it's already long and I'm exhausted. Like I mentioned in my last blog about The Secret and it saying if you truly believe something will happen, it will make itself happen. Well, I have a lot of visions in my head of my future. What I lack right now is faith. Faith in many things, but most of all myself. There are many things that are uncertain in my life right now and usually I don't notice, but lately it eats at me. So while everything is chaos in my head, and my dreams are being postponed by my own fear, there was a saying in church Sunday night that filled my heart with hope again.

"Your fear is where God wants to work most in your life." I walked into church that day saying, "Lord, You know I am a confused mess right now. Please give me something, have something stand out and speak to me. I need it."

He spoke... now what am I going to do with those words?

We shall see...

Bucket List

"The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."

~William Jennings Bryan

So... here's to my first blog post!! I've been meaning to get this started for a while now. Life has just been a little hectic. Prepping to leave to Michigan in a few days. My best friends are getting married in just a couple of weeks! Gosh - typing that seems so surreal! So, while I want to absolutely dedicate some time and get this blog up and running, I have a VERY important speech that I'll need to write in the next couple weeks as well. I've been writing it in my head for years for Whitney, but now she's decided to marry my best guy friend. I'll have to figure out how to condense this speech because I could share so many wonderful stories about these two for hours! :)

I have a couple of goals for this blog. I'd like to use it to really help me focus on living life! I need to do better at making the most of my life. Realizing that there are no limits. As kids, we were the biggest dreamers, the possibilities were truly endless in our young minds. Somewhere along the path of "growing up" we lose that ability to believe that our dreams can come true. They can. We just need to make them come true.

One of my closest friends, Chinua, had really been encouraging me to watch The Secret. I told him that I had been meaning to read it, but he said I need to watch it right now - to start implementing the mindset immediately. Clearly, Chinua could see that my outlook wasn't exuding the light it should be. My heart was deflated and I wasn't holding the optimistic attitude that I should. I wasn't believing that something great could be around the corner waiting for me. And as we learn from The Secret, with that attitude, nothing good will come to me. I haven't yet bought into The Secret like Chinua and many others, but I'm trying to reconstruct my thinking to be similar to their suggestions, because I do believe there are some valid points made.

Around the same time, I had a great dinner chat with another friend of mine, Jaclyn. We were talking about all the things we wanted to do in life. It all stemmed from a simple night of karaoke that Jac experienced. Karaoke was something she's always wanted to try and said she would at some point in life, even though she was nervous. This prompted her to create her "Bucket List." We discovered through our chat, that most of us have a subliminal Bucket List. There are many moments in life where we stop and think, "Man, I really want to do _______." or "One day, I'd really like to experience _____________." Here is where most of us go wrong... We stop there. That thought gets pushed to the back of our brain and suddenly it's lost among the many other thoughts that flood our mind... "How am I going to pay all my bills this month?" "I can't forget to get this from the grocery store." "What if I don't make enough sales at work this month?" "Why hasn't he called me back?" etc. etc. In order to actually start checking things off your Bucket List, you need to envision it. The only way to do that, is to get it all down on paper.

That is what I needed to stop and make myself do. Everyone's life is hectic. We like to think we don't have time to sit down and do something so trivial. But for our enjoyment's sake, we must make the time. Otherwise, many of life's greatest experiences are passing you by. I would like to think of 100 things I'd really like to do, achieve or experience in my life. I will have to revisit this post several times to update, but I will get 100! :)

So, I've decided that my blog will be dedicated to combining the message behind The Secret and my Bucket List. This blog will be my "Vision Board" (Secret reference). I am putting The Secret and myself to the test! How willing am I to chase after my dreams? Will I leave my comfort zone to obtain what I really want? Because I know that many times, it will be necessary. Hopefully this blog will keep it all in perspective for me, and keep me in check. Remind me that the only person who can control my destiny is me. God has a plan already set in place for me. Now He is just waiting for me to take the right steps. I'm ready for the universe to align and to welcome all the new joys I have been waiting for. I'm ready to finally FEEL ready to accept what is waiting for me. This blog will keep you all updated on how it's all panning out. If I truly start envisioning my dreams, feeling my dreams, will they come true? According to The Secret, they will. There is a quote I've always liked to live by, ""If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you." Let's see if it's true! Without futher adieu... My Bucket List:

1. Meet Ellen DeGeneres. (Yes - it's my #1! It's the first thing that popped into my head because it's something I truly want! I've always loved Ellen and said numerous times that I will meet her one day. I don't know how, but I will!) :)
2. Find the love of my life in an unconventional way. I want a story to tell my kids!
3. Go sky diving
4. Have a presence on a track. Whether it be background vocals, a clap, talking... whatever! I want to experience a studio session.
5. Be successful enough to be able to give my parents an amazing gift (material gift - car, new house, something along those lines) to thank them for all they've done to me.
6. Successfully develop an event or organization that will benefit this world in one way or another.
7. Swim with dolphins.
8. Scuba Dive.
9. Travel the world - Spain, Italy, Greece, France, Australia and many more!
10. Explore Australia.
11. FINALLY become completely fluent in Spanish.
12. Start my own company.
13. Have a beautiful family.
14. Become a certified dog trainer.
15. Have a wedding full of celebration and MUSIC. I want my wedding to be a concert! ;)
16. Better yet... have Brian McKnight sing at my wedding! My dream!! "The Rest of My Life"
17. Be on television in some way, shape or form.
18. Write a book (right now I see an honest, comedic relationship book, but any book will do!)
19. Become Baptized when the time is right.
20. Get my body into amazing shape that I could pose as a fitness model.
21. Go on a cruise.
22. Go for a hot air balloon ride.
23. Visit a rainforest.
24. Ride a horse on a beach.
25. Further my education.
26. Earn six figures. :)
27. Get a dog (even though I already got him, I feel this needs to be on here. It was the most important thing to me for most of my life!)
28. Develop a popular blog that is followed by many. One that gives insight and inspiration to its readers. One that many find relatable to their own lives.
29. Buy my own house/loft/condo - whatever fits.
30. Be a road manager for someone on a tour.
31. Train Cooper to be a therapy dog and go visit hospitals to spread his unconditional love and cuteness! :)
32. Run a race (start with 5K - would love to move up - running's not my thing).
33. Learn dancing (salsa, ballroom, belly, all of the above!)