Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that had made all the difference.
~ Robert Frost
It does us no good though; looking into that review mirror. How is one ever supposed to make it to their future and move forward when their eyes are always looking back? I am a firm believe that everyone is on their path for a reason! We can never find that reason in the present, but just allow time to do its thing and it will soon reveal its explanation to you. You can't deny the ah-ha moments you've had in your life when it clicks and you "get" why you had to endure whatever trials and tribulations you faced. And admit it... you're appreciative of them aren't you? I once read somewhere the value of speaking to one of your elders. I mean, really engaging in a conversation with them about their life. Someone in their late 80's has one thing we don't. They are blessed with the ability to go back and see the miracles that have been worked into their life. Most reasons for their life's direction has been revealed to them. Right now we can only sit back, trust the process, and wait to hit our 80's where we sit back in our chair and say, "Ah-ha! I get it now!"
I sit here right now, a little past 3 am waiting for a video I just finished editing to load. Trust me, I would not be up this late if I weren't working! Cooper is already snoring on my bed... I can hear him! :) But I have been wanting to get to this blog for about a week now. I figured this was as good a time as any.
I used to joke about the Quarter Life Crisis. I didn't believe in it. I may have to take that back because either it's a sick coincidence or I'm going through it right now!! Right now I choose to believe that life has just given me another major fork in the road, and it's tearing me apart! I've literally felt like a huge chunk of me has been missing for the past month and I can't figure out why. There's a turning point waiting for me on the horizon and I feel it approaching quickly...
I had a good convo with a couple of my favorite people about how I needed to get to work on my blog; they agreed. I told them I didn't really know HOW to blog. They gave me some pointers... the one that stands out was, "It has to be a two way street. Write to stimulate feedback. Don't just write your thoughts down, that's a diary. No one wants to read your diary!" Ha ha love my friends! I think my diary would be pretty interesting ~ I've got a lot of crap up there in that head of mine. Anyway... I'm still working to find the niche of my blog. So hang tight while I find my voice in this blog. I promise to find its focus soon. :)
Right now my thoughts argue with each other daily. It makes my head hurt. How do you make these life decisions - there's never an easy button like on T.V. Do you go left and follow your heart in love, or do you go right and follow your heart in your passions? You see... I don't think it's as easy as the saying, "follow your heart!" My heart goes many places folks. Everyone gets a little bit. My heart is waiting for that BIG love, but my heart also goes into my work. (I've never been the person that does a 'job.' I have to have a career. I need to live and love my work!)
I've recently had a lot of extra pressure put on me to move back to the mitten. I know I am missed up there, and I've always said I want to take everyone up there down here with me because I miss them too! I'm told that I'm needed up there; that my love it there if I just open my eyes to it. These things are not easy to hear. It tore me apart inside, because who wouldn't go be closest to where their "love" is? Why would I choose to stay in a city so far away from my family?
Let me say... my road to Atlanta was anything BUT easy. 2009, as some know, was the most difficult, heartbreaking year I have endured so far in life! Any other woman in my position would have high tailed it back to Michigan to run from those that, without conscious, would inflict so much hurt and pain. But that's goes to show the connection I have to this city. I can't explain it, it's just a feeling. I belong here right now. Even with all the bad that went down last year while I was here - alone - far away from all my family and closest friends, being here still felt right. Crazy, I know. However, something is keeping me here. I'd like to believe that there is an opportunity waiting for me here. A door somewhere, waiting to open. I could be incredibly wrong, who knows?! But I don't want to leave before I giving it sufficient time to surface.
To cut this now, because it's already long and I'm exhausted. Like I mentioned in my last blog about The Secret and it saying if you truly believe something will happen, it will make itself happen. Well, I have a lot of visions in my head of my future. What I lack right now is faith. Faith in many things, but most of all myself. There are many things that are uncertain in my life right now and usually I don't notice, but lately it eats at me. So while everything is chaos in my head, and my dreams are being postponed by my own fear, there was a saying in church Sunday night that filled my heart with hope again.
"Your fear is where God wants to work most in your life." I walked into church that day saying, "Lord, You know I am a confused mess right now. Please give me something, have something stand out and speak to me. I need it."
He spoke... now what am I going to do with those words?
We shall see...
